At Song Muchuan's wedding banquet, Zhang Zhicun was extremely drunk.
Outsiders thought that the prince-in-law was a decent man, but only Xu Keyue knew that he drank like this every day, but tonight he was so emotional that he drank particularly vigorously.
On the carriage back, Xu Keyue had to look after him and sighed softly.
Her hand was suddenly held by him, his strength was weak, but he held her palm weakly. His right hand was injured when he was captured and he didn't take good care of it. Since then, the disease has taken root and he can no longer exert any strength.
"杳杳."
Xu Keyue shuddered slightly, forgetting how long it had been since he had called her by her nickname so affectionately.
They have reconciled.
Although in the eyes of outsiders, they are still a loving couple, they have built high walls at home and live in separate houses.
The carriage was filled with a strong smell of alcohol, which made her feel in a trance... her thoughts drifted to a long time ago.
Before the country was ruined and the family was destroyed, they were a couple made in heaven, a talented man and a beautiful woman. After they were captured, she was taken away by Wanyan Jun. Wanyan Jun wanted her to be his concubine. She died to prove her ambition, and Wanyan Jun then brought Zhang Zhicun over and tortured him in front of her, making her unable to survive or die, so she could only bow her head and obey.
Wanyan Jun asked Zhang Zhicun to kneel outside and watch the night, and he wanted him to listen.
Zhang Zhicun almost went crazy. He broke a table leg and rushed in to fight Wanyan Jun. As expected, he was beaten half to death.
She could only cry, those worthless tears pouring into her chest.
It was a hell of a memory.
They watched each other fall hard, like grass being trampled.
In the torture of despair day by day, Zhang Zhicun finally found an opportunity to talk to Xu Keyue.
He said: "Yaoyao, let's die together."
She cried and nodded.
But it is so difficult to really die. They spent the first half of their lives in wealth and aloofness, and no one has ever seen death. They are all cowardly and cowardly.
Then Master Shen's secret message was delivered to them quietly. Shen Zhizhong hoped that Xu Xueyue could bring the edict of succession back to Lidu Mansion, and Zhang Zhicun could gain the trust of the Qi people and send back some useful information. intelligence.
This letter seemed to give them a belief in living, or, in the name of justice, gave them a cowardly excuse.
In Wanyan Jun's eyes, Zhang Zhicun was frightened by being beaten. He became the most obedient dog around Wanyan Jun. He silently swallowed any humiliation, even the revenge of taking his wife. Wanyan Jun asked him to be the meanest horse slave, and he obeyed.
Xu Mengyue once thought that such days would never end. She would die in relief at a certain moment after completing the mission. But the dawn appeared bit by bit. The warriors held up the backbone of the dynasty, and victory was more important than ever. Even faster than she imagined, she too was saved.
Soon after, Zhang Zhicun fled back from the north.
The drama should have ended here. They were a couple in need in everyone's eyes. They fulfilled their respective righteousness during the storm and managed to keep the clouds clearing and the moon shining brightly.
But they both thought of the reunion after a long separation too simply. They were witnesses of each other's glory and experienced pain. What stands between them is the nondescript relationship between her and Wanyan Jun. She has witnessed him transform from a proud man to a groveling slave.
The gap shattered the aura they had when they first met each other. He was the unparalleled number one scholar in Bianjing City, and she was the brightest pearl in the royal family. They had never seen the ugliness and gloom. They fell in love with the most glorious part of each other, got married smoothly, and received countless blessings. But now, their faces can no longer find the former glory.
They all couldn't bear it, unable to reconcile and reconcile with the past peacefully over time. When the great faith that supported them had reached its end, their lives were left with nothing but feathers.
After he came back, they spent an awkward time and became inexplicably reserved and unfamiliar. They didn't know what the other had been through during their separation, and they didn't want to tell or ask. Because every time I recall it, I have to touch those wounds of humiliation.
So they both became cautious, not mentioning anything about the past in their words, but the deliberate avoidance could clearly be seen on each other's faces.
Some more trivial and practical questions came to the surface - should they still sleep together? How can they be as close as before? Are there still feelings between them?
Zhang Zhicun used the excuse that he needed to recover from his injuries and lived alone in the study. Xu Keyue also breathed a sigh of relief and treated him as if he really needed to recover from his injuries, without thinking about it or going into details, and just kept a tacit understanding at a distance.
Later, Zhang Zhicun went to Lidu Mansion and brought back the news that Xie Queshan was about to be torn apart by a car. Xu Keyue was extremely angry. That was the first time they had a heated argument after Zhang Zhicun came back.
That kind of anger made her speak uncontrollably. She called Zhang Zhicun a hypocrite and a villain. She said why didn't you die for Xie Queshan? How could you say such a vicious plot... Zhang Zhicun didn't reply, he just accepted it. With. But after the scolding, a huge powerlessness came to Xu Keyue's heart. She could not change anything. The dynasty could not protect its most loyal people, and as a survivor protected by the wings of warriors, she He even had no position to scold Zhang Zhicun.
She knew that during those days that she had never seen with her own eyes, Zhang Zhicun was not as good as dead. If he were in the same situation, he would definitely die generously. Perhaps because she felt guilty thinking about this, or perhaps because she was afraid that maybe there was just a thin line between them, they would be separated from each other, so she hugged Zhang Zhicun and cried loudly.
From then on, Zhang Zhicun began to drink heavily. If he was not drunk, he would not be able to sleep all night long. He refused to become an official on the grounds of recovering from his injuries and lived a life of drunkenness and dreams.
After learning that Xie Queshan was still alive, his condition finally improved, but he was addicted to alcohol and could not quit. He tried to get out of this depression and went to the academy to give lectures to the students. He put on the mask of a Confucian master, but when he returned home, he was still an alcoholic. He has found the sweetness in this dream-like state. Only at such moments can he follow his heart and choose not to be sober.
He could see the disappointment and numbness in Xu Mengyue's eyes.
He waited, and finally one sunny afternoon, she said to him: "Let's make peace."
It took him a long time before he answered: "It's just, can you not let anyone know? I can no longer live without my identity as a prince-in-law."
For a moment, Xu Keyue's heart was filled with sadness.
She really hoped that she could dislike him because of this, but she knew very well who Zhang Zhicun was - what was the importance of a consort to him? After the divorce, he could even remarry and have children, but he gave up the possibility of a new life, because once the princess and divorce were made public, someone would whisper about Wanyan Jun, and those speculations, which may not be malicious, would It became a sharp blade piercing her body. Before she filed for divorce, she had thought about the consequences, but she felt that their relationship had reached its end, and a decision was necessary to free them from this unresolved pain.
The only thing she didn't expect was that he still wanted to protect her from gossip.
She cried and said: "But I will never share the same hole with you."
"Okay." He said.
Zhang Zhicun knew, even if she never admitted it, that she hated him a little bit.
Who has not dreamed of unwavering love that overcomes all obstacles?
But he failed to give such passionate love. He couldn't stand Mingyue's death, and he hated his own powerlessness.
He cared, he cared almost to the point of going crazy, and he had no position at all.
Zhang Zhicun thought that they would probably be entangled like this for the rest of their lives. They could not be husband and wife, but they would still be family members. He is so cowardly and unbearable, but he still wants to be her backing until the very end. This should be the only thing he can do for her.
They have been separated for a long time. Apart from pretending to be in front of others and going in and out together, they never see each other at all.
If it hadn't been for Song Muchuan's wedding, they wouldn't have taken the same car home.
Maybe it was because the wine tonight was too fragrant, or maybe it was the rare happy event that made people forget their worries. He grabbed her hand and called her nickname unconsciously.
"Yao Yao..."
"You're drunk." She looked at his face. She hadn't looked at him so seriously for a long, long time. She didn't dare to look at him. Every time she saw him, she was tearing apart the blood scab that was trying to heal.
She thought that he should be the same.
They didn't mean it, but their desire to survive made it impossible for them to get close to each other.
But at this moment she stared at him, maybe because of her drunkenness, she suddenly couldn't remember many things, and only noticed that there were a few more white hairs on his temples.
From a young couple to now, they are no longer young.
"Yao Yao." He called softly again, with tears in his eyes but a smile on his lips.
He smiled without any distractions, and for a moment, he seemed to be the same high-spirited prince-in-law.
"I'm not drunk...I drank more on our wedding day than I did tonight."
Something is growing again and again in this silent spring night.
They experienced an unexpected loss of control and a long-lost approach. It is the arrogance that has been suppressed for a long time, and the confusion with no way to escape. That familiar feeling is like a gentle tide that lifts a drowning person to the surface of the water again.
But they were still floating in the sea, and they were not saved.
After one night, it tacitly returned to its original state.
They both know very well that they are not brave enough or loving enough, but there is still an indescribable feeling between them, which is deep but sharp, silent and sad.
Just like that, it has come to an end.
